45 with a 30 year old mentality

Pluggin on

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 03:18:02 GMT

Hello to everyone and no one reading this. What a crap week. My mother-in-law died, it sucked. Arrangements, services, stuff. But, now its over, I am actually feeling it a bit more.

Everything else is same, just gave kids a bunch of rules they need to stick to, they are certainly old enough by now.

No one ever reads this, or writes back, if they do, I don't know where to find it.

I'd care if anyone was giving me feedback, but why would you want to, this must be the most boring blog ever.

April, better than march

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 05:19:53 GMT

This is shapping up to be a better month than the months beginning the year combined. After that wretched dance, D and I had some awful times. That seems so simplistic to say, but I'm just leaving it at that. Mostly because I don't think anyone ever reads this stuff. I already wrote most of it down in a written journal. If anyone ever was going to write me back, I'd keep it up. But I have never even gotten one post, and not one survey answered.

We had some shit go on about spending too much time with friends. His trouble, not mine. I think he is so used to me being around 24/7 that when I went to see a friend he really felt threatened. Intellectually, I know he knows better now. But I don't beleive he is OK with it all in his heart yet.

Hard to believe after 15 years, that a guy could get jealous over a few evenings.

I sure wish someone would read this and write back.

Life and Times of a long-term Wife

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 12:35:55 GMT

My last post was prior to a dance, in February. D. had worked very hard to ruin it, and set it up to place the blame on me.

I did not go for it. dDid not raise to any of the bait, there was not argument.

He is jealous that I have 1 (ONE) friend. Yes, I have only one friend. She is the only friend I have ever had who understands why I love D.

But he does not like her, even though he is the one who pushed us together as freinds.

I'm sick of it,

And this winter has gotten to be hell. D. has not worked ONE day since Thanksgiving.
We are flat broke and falling into debt further and further. HE know this, and still doesn't work. The deal is, he works, I raise kids.

I guess he forgot.

Well I guess I forget the part of teh deal where I take care of him when he gets old and decrepit, because I am considerably younger. Then I'll just lie around all day and do nothing, maybe he can find a nice home to go tol.

I could cry that I even just said that, but his behanvio, his disengagement from our family is ruining our lives, our kids are hurt, I am teaching myself not to care anymnore so I can managed day to day.

Any suggestions.

You gotta assumen that he does love me thouth, in the suggestions.

Please take my poll.

The Future, Wives - are you happy after 20 years?

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 12:28:04 GMT

View Poll: Are wives really REALLY happy, way deep down

First Entry - don't want to sound stupid

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 09:04:26 GMT

This is first entry in my journal. I have not kept a journal for some time. I am happy to be back at it, though I wish I had started it earlier tonight.

I have a couple of problems on my mind, but I think other people might have bigger problems. I like to help people, and hope they will come to trust me. I have to go to a function this weekend, it should be fun, used to be fun, but this year it seems like everyone involved is trying to get it to be totally stressful - particularly for me.

I know what will happen is I will spend the whole time being sure everyone else is happy, and getting along, and the entire night will be ruined for me because of all the advanced bitching and moaning. How do people do that, complain, say rotten things, then forget all about it and act normal.

any ideas, what to do, I know no one will read this before then, but I sure wish someone would and tell me something. I am a good person, but not perfect and its getting to me.